When Everything Falls Apart on the Way to Healing

(why chaos often follows an emotional healing journey)

When, after over 20 years in a narcissistic relationship, I first heard and digtested the word “narcissst,” my entire world cracked open. But it wasn’t all sunshine and healing. It was a lot of chaos and energy that seemed to want to pull me down.

And lately, I’ve felt that same energy again.

It’s every day.
Everything that can go wrong, has.
Technology crashes. Kids get sick. The car breaks down. It gets fixed and then gets a flat tire. My bank is shut down by the government. My plans unravel faster than I can make new ones.

And even though I know I’ve crossed into something new — the other side of survival — it feels eerily familiar. Like that night when truth broke through and everything around me started exploding.

The Storm After the Breakthrough

No one warns you that healing after narcissistic abuse (or any kind of emotional trauma) can look like your whole world is falling apart.

You think freedom will feel like peace and sunshine, but often it feels like chaos.
That’s because your nervous system — the same one that’s been living in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn for years — is suddenly being asked to relax, and it doesn’t know how.

When you stop walking on eggshells, your body doesn’t immediately throw a party.
It trembles. It misfires. It sends false alarms.
It mistakes stillness for danger.

So if you’ve ever thought, Why does everything go wrong when I finally start healing? — you’re not crazy. You’re recalibrating.

When You Step Out of Survival Mode

For decades, my body was trained to anticipate the next explosion — emotional, financial, verbal, physical, or all of the above.

My whole system was wired to keep me safe, not happy.
When that protection wasn’t needed anymore, it didn’t just vanish. It panicked.

This stage of emotional abuse recovery is brutal because you’re finally out of the cage, but the cage is still inside you.
You’re relearning what safety even feels like.
You’re realizing that peace doesn’t have to be earned.
You’re learning to exist without performing for approval or tiptoeing around someone else’s moods.

And sometimes, the energy that once went into managing chaos turns inward and looks for something to fix — so chaos finds you again, until you finally teach your body that calm is safe.

Signs You’re Experiencing a “Healing Storm”

If you’re in that in-between place — no longer in the abuse, but not yet at peace — here are a few signs you’re going through a healing storm (and not failing at recovery):

• You feel exhausted but wired, like you can’t rest even when you’re safe.

• Things keep breaking, malfunctioning, or falling through.

• Your emotions swing between relief, rage, and grief.

• You second-guess every decision.

• You start wondering if you made everything up — classic trauma aftershock.

• You crave isolation and quiet, then panic when you get it.

None of these mean you’re going backward.
They mean your old reality is unraveling, and your body is detoxing from chaos.

Rebuilding Your Nervous System After Trauma

This part of emotional healing isn’t glamorous.
It’s slow, confusing, and often invisible.
You learn to do tiny things that your old self never had permission to do:

• Sitting down in the middle of a mess.

• Letting someone be mad without fixing it.

• Saying “no” without apologizing.

• Trusting your own timing instead of rushing to earn rest.

Some days, I still feel like the glass is cracking again — one thing after another. But now, instead of panicking, I remind myself: this is the sound of my nervous system rearranging itself to fit freedom.

Trusting the Chaos

Sometimes, when everything goes wrong, it’s not punishment — it’s proof.
Proof that you’ve stopped holding the world together for everyone else.
Proof that your energy is shifting.
Proof that old patterns are dissolving.

When I start to spiral, I tell myself:

“This isn’t destruction. It’s construction with bad lighting.”

And that reminder helps me breathe again.

Because peace doesn’t just arrive.
It’s built slowly — through every breath you take when things fall apart and you choose to believe it’s still getting better.

🌈 You’re Not Broken — You’re Rebuilding

If your world feels upside down after stepping out of survival mode, I promise you’re not broken — you’re rebuilding.

Healing isn’t about becoming calm overnight; it’s about learning that chaos doesn’t mean danger anymore.

The night everything cracked was the night I got my life back.
The storm that followed was just the energy of freedom finding its shape.

✨ Want to Go Deeper?

If you’re somewhere between the crack and the calm, I created my guided journal Let It Go to help you release guilt, control, and self-blame while rebuilding trust in yourself.
You can also download my free Spark Starter Kit to begin noticing small sparks of light — even in the chaos.

Because healing isn’t a straight line.
It’s a storm that eventually clears — and leaves the world brighter than before.