I’m Excited Until I Sit Down to Work (and Then My Nervous System Hits the Fire Alarm)
I’m sharing this because I bet I am not the only one.
There’s a strange thing that keeps happening.
I’ll be genuinely excited about Following Sparks.
Clear. Energized. Full of ideas.
I see myself at the computer creating all kinds of magic.
And then I sit down and open my computer.
Within seconds, I feel like I’m jumping out of my skin.
I suddenly need water. Or to pee. Or to go check the bird feeder. Anything.
If I do force myself to sit there, my brain goes blank. I can’t focus. I can’t choose. I can’t start.
The more I try to force it, the more I just sit there wasting time and only clicking between tabs.
Here’s the weird part.
The second I close everything and walk away, the excitement comes back.
WTAF?
So no — this isn’t procrastination.
And it’s not a lack of discipline.
It’s something else entirely.
What I’m Realizing Is Actually Going On
For me, excitement lives in my body and imagination.
The computer lives in my nervous system history.
Sitting down isn’t neutral.
To my system, it signals:
it’s time to perform
it’s time to make things real
it’s time to be seen
it’s time for pressure, expectation, or failure
And my body reacts before my mind even has a chance.
This doesn’t mean I don’t want the work.
It means the transition into the work feels unsafe.
If This Happens to You Too, Here’s What Might Be True
If you’ve lived for years in survival mode — especially in situations where your voice, creativity, or autonomy weren’t safe — your nervous system learned something important:
Visibility = risk
So when you sit down to do something that actually matters to you, your body doesn’t feel inspired.
It feels alert.
That jumpy, scattered, “I can’t do this” sensation isn’t avoidance.
It’s activation.
Your system is scanning for threat.
This is something I talk more about in the Spark Embers phase of The Path…
Why Closing Everything Feels Like Relief
When you step away:
the pressure disappears
the stakes vanish
nothing needs to be decided or proven
Your body relaxes.
And once safety returns, excitement is allowed back in.
That alone was a huge reframe for me.
What I’m Experimenting With Instead (and You Can Too)
I’m not trying to “fix” this anymore.
I’m working with it.
Here are a few things that are helping — not as rules, but as options.
1. Create Away From the Computer
Ideas feel safest when they’re not being captured yet.
Voice notes while walking.
Messy notes on paper.
Talking things through out loud.
Then the computer becomes a place to place ideas, not create them.
2. Short, Escapable Work Sessions
I tell myself I’m only sitting down for 5–10 minutes.
Not as a trick — as a promise.
My nervous system needs to know there’s an exit.
I need to set an actual timer so that it doesn’t feel like a trick.
3. Open One Tiny Thing
Not “work on FS.”
Not “write a post.”
One file. One sentence. One small adjustment.
Safety comes before momentum.
4. Make the Space Feel Different Than the Past
Different posture.
Different lighting.
Music I wasn’t allowed to play before.
Even standing instead of sitting.
Tiny signals that say: this isn’t the old environment.
A Gentle Truth I Keep Coming Back To
If your body resists when you sit down, it doesn’t mean you’re lazy or broken.
It might mean:
the work matters
you’re stepping into visibility
your system is still learning that creation doesn’t equal danger
You don’t need more discipline.
You need safer thresholds.
I’m still figuring out what that looks like for me.
But naming it already changed the way I relate to my work — and to myself.
If this resonates, you’re not alone.
You’re just learning how to create without bracing for impact.
If you want a low-pressure way to start experimenting with safety and sparks, I have put together 30 pick and choose micro actions in my free Spark Starter Kit.
