Follow the Weird: How Desire Leads You Back to Yourself
For a long time, I thought desire was dangerous. I grew up with a family who didn’t think like me, and so judged all of my wants as being wrong, laughable, or shame-worthy.
Then, in my late 20´s (and for two decades) I got into a relationship with a narcissist who took all of that and tossed in endless other ways to stifle my wanting anything even basic.
Wanting things—really wanting—felt selfish, risky, or too loud. So I got good at shrinking. At settling. At pretending I didn’t need or crave anything beyond “okay.”
But desire has a pulse. It whispers. And sometimes, it yanks you by the gut in the middle of an otherwise ordinary day.
That’s what happened to me one sticky afternoon—dishes undone, kids fighting again, and a wave of what if… crashing over me out of nowhere. I couldn’t name what I wanted, but I knew I was done pretending I didn’t want something.
It was a weird, quiet tug. But it wouldn’t let go.
This post is for the woman who feels that flicker and wonders if it means she’s waking up.
❌ What We’ve Been Taught About Desire:
That it’s too much, too selfish, too disruptive
That "wanting more" makes you ungrateful
That quiet compliance is virtuous
That desire should be tamed or earned
🌱 What I Now Believe:
Desire isn’t a flaw—it’s a compass.
When your nervous system starts to feel safe again, desire comes online. That’s not a regression—it’s a rebirth.
Desire can show up in strange ways:
Wanting to paint, even if you’re “not an artist”
Craving silence, even in a noisy home
Feeling pulled to a color, a song, a stranger’s tattoo
Thinking “What if…” without rolling your eyes after
✨ Gentle Shift: Reframing Desire as a Spark
If it’s not hurting you or others—it’s probably not too much.
If it won’t leave you alone—it might be your next breadcrumb.
This isn’t about chasing pleasure for the sake of escape.
It’s about reclaiming the right to want.
To be pulled forward instead of pushed from behind.
If this is resonating, you're likely in Spark Phase 2: Warrior
(aka the messy, magnificent middle of waking up and wanting more)
Here are some tools to help you explore desire gently:
🩵 The Leapbook – Track your nudges, synchronicities, and self-trust wins
🩵 Surrender & Flow Journal – Loosen your grip and let things come to you
🩵 The Spark Warrior Kit – A free mini hub to support your wild unraveling
You're allowed to want. You're allowed to change.
You’re allowed to listen when something strange tugs at your soul.
Desire isn’t the enemy of healing.
It’s often the proof that you’re healing.
The spark is showing itself. Follow it.
If you feel like you aren’t quite at the Warrior phase yet, I got you. You can get things shifting with the free Spark Starter Kit or read up on The Path.
